Here's the bulk of a comment I posted to an entry on Malfaire's blog. I don't know how many other people deal with the same stuff, but we tend to be at least somewhat ambitious, so maybe it's fairly common. Anyway, I'm not sure if my comment is any good or helpful, but it's long, so I thought I would re-post it here as general food for thought. It's not poker-related, although it could apply.
Yeah, I've got the same issue. I don't know if I'd call this exactly a problem, you need to figure out yourself how much you really want to change that aspect of your personality.
I've got quite a few years on all the poker-blogging guys I read, so I guess I speak from experience somewhat, and I'll sometimes wonder where I'd be at now if I'd stuck with one of my own Big Goals. My life is filled with guys I used to be equal with at something (sports, girls, business, even poker) who have gone on to greater "success" but I'm not sure they're more successful or happy across the board. Better/happier in some ways, worse/with regrets in others.
The thing is, the Big Goals don't get met for free; they take a fuckload of work and sacrifice. The guys who can meet those goals and still be happy are the ones who only care about that goal...nothing else matters to them. Otherwise, they either meet the Big Goal and feel some sort of negative towards what they gave up...or else they get distracted from their Big Goals. IMO. So, until you decide that you're willing to sacrifice whatever in order to meet whatever your Big Goal is, don't beat yourself up too much about it.
All that crap said, I totally know what you mean about self sabotage...and I've done that to myself way too many times even with regular old Goals...they don't have to be Big ones. Actually just knowing I'm prone to it has helped a lot, so you are doing something right by questioning it. I think the best thing I've come up with to stop self sabotaging is to find someone to share whatever my goal is, how I think I can reach it, and hold myself accountable to checking in with them in terms of how it's going. I hate to admit defeat in something that I'm actually trying to do (a pretty big part of why I self sabotage...I just stop trying, so I won't fail). So, that's what's worked for me. Another thing I've tried is just to put stuff in writing. Something about that takes away the excuse to self sabotage, I guess. I used to do that with monthly poker goals, actually.
Wow...kind of hippie stuff. Better head on over to Noel's blog, now :).
1 comment:
"I just stop trying, so I won't fail" that's one road. i used to take the "swing HARD and miss on purpose" path so i could justify things by the effort put forth more than the results.
i can achieve goals that i'm called to achieve. if i'm so immersed in a project that i dream about it, then i'll probably fair well in that endeavor.
if i need to push myself, then i'll eventually get tired of pushing.
of course if you get put into a place where failure is NOT an option (say, now i have kids to feed, so i HAVE to make this job/business work) - then that tends to remove any self-sabotage demons.
all in all though, i'm a fan of "well rounded".
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