Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho....

Warning:  This is tl;dr, with no poker content.

Work's been pretty meh the last few months.  I put in well over 40 hours/week, but I spread it out over a lot more time on the computer, mixing work and non-work tasks.  Not just poker, although that's easily the biggest non-work item.  I'm on the computer a ton, probably 12 hours/day during the week and several hours/weekend.  Not all work of course, but I definitely put in the hours and get my sh*t done.

But clearly, the lack of excitement is coming through.  My boss and his boss have both told me.  As part of our annual review process, my boss gathered a bunch of feedback from the team I manage and my peers.  Others have noticed the same lack of motivation.

Some of the biggest examples they cited were actually due to me not demonstrating more clearly what I've completed.  That said, compared to myself a few years ago, it's a fair observation.  I used to pretty much attack every problem.  Now, I get stuff done, but do very little more than the bare minimum required.  I've gotten good enough at my job that the minimum is enough to get my projects complete in better shape than most of my peers (confirmed by my boss).   Which is all well and good if I want to just keep doing what I am doing right now.  I don't think I do, but I'm not as sure as I was a few years ago.  Back then, I had a plan to become a high-level executive, and worked pretty hard at filling the gaps in my resume to get there.

I've got the hard tools to do that now, basically smarts and experience.  But I lack some of the softer skills, or more precisely the motivation to hone and use those skills.  See lack of demonstration/tooting my own horn, above.  And some of the stuff I'm good at and really should get done, I find really boring, and I let them slip.  This is the other part of negative perception, and also why it's a fair perception.  Bottom line, I'm good at what I do now, have the recognized potential to do more, but am acting (and feeling) somewhat disengaged. 

So, I totally understand that if a position would come up at the next level, why I wouldn't be at the top of the list for it.  I mean, I might, but I would get why I wouldn't be there.  Like poker, a good chunk of being at the top of the list is in my control.  If I choose to let things slip, and even for things that don't slip, give the impression that I'm not terribly motivated to dot all the I's and cross all the T's, it's my own damn fault if someone else gets the nod.

That said, even if I were completely on top of my game, which I was for a time, there needs to be some opportunity.  Going back to a poker parallel, life in the corporate world is a mix of work and luck, obviously in different contexts.  Luck in the corporate world includes being in the right place at the right time.  The work is about maximizing the chances that you will be, and that you'll be ready when the opportunity comes up.  Although the work does entitle you to the reward in a literal sense (a little different than poker), it does not mean you will actually realize any reward.  But there's a cost to continuously keeping yourself ready, of maximizing your chances.  A cost, and an opportunity cost.

In an environment where very, very few chances are likely to come up, you need to evaluate whether the cost is worth it.  On the one hand, the stakes are higher because you get so few chances.  Each chance better count.  On the other hand (and this was me), even if you're doing everything you can, that chance may never come.  So, I've gone from complete readiness to mostly complacency. 

I allowed myself to slip into complacency; I take accountability.  But it has opened other opportunities.  Without most every waking hour going into work, I've spent more time with my family, coached my kids' sports, studied poker fairly seriously, and other stuff, not to mention getting a decent night's sleep on a regular basis.  So I don't feel all woe-is-me, at least not too much ;).  I'm just feeling more introspective than usual, trying to figure out whether I've struck the right balance, or where I need to tweak things, especially work-wise.