Tom's Funeral

Got to the church about 15 minutes early, and there were only a couple rows of seats left...by the time the mass started, they'd seated people in the choir seats, and people were standing 2 or 3 rows deep in the back and around the sides.  Figured I would get choked up at some point, and it happened right away, on the way in.  The front of the program was a picture of Tom sometime fairly far into the disease (emaciated, tired, no hair), sitting on a bench in his backyard, smiling at us, two thumbs up.  As if to say, "Hey, don't worry too much about me, I'll be OK."  I'm choked up a little now, thinking about it.

The priest's parts of the service were neither here nor there for me, although Jennifer thought he gave a pretty good homily.  I thought he mainly tried to conduct the mass, but otherwise stay out of the way and let people eulogize Tom, which seemed about right.  I'm not Catholic, and not really religious in any event, so I wouldn't take as much out of that part as some other people would. 

Common themes throughout the eulogy were a wicked sense of humor, hard-headedness, and devotion to friends and family.  There were a couple snippets I found funniest.  His sister told us about the time when Tom was in preschool and had been practicing some recital songs for a few weeks. Had them down cold, but the night of the recital, he never opened his mouth.  Never one to shy away from attention, the family wondered how he could have gotten stage fright.  When they got home, his mom asked him what was wrong, and Tom opened his mouth to show the broccoli he'd been forced to eat at dinner before the recital.  I don't know, that one might not be funny to those of you who haven't battled with their kids over stuff like that.

The other one I liked was Tom's best friend, met in high school, grown up together.  He said that even though he was a couple months older than Tom, it was Tom who did a lot of the teaching.  "I learned a lot from Tom...(blah blah blah)...and I learned that it's OK to pee outdoors.  Especially if you're in the City and you've been drinking a lot.  Yeah, he taught me that one over and over."

The tear jerker of the day was not from Tom's family or friends.  It was from one of the girls he coached before he got sick, I guess on Tom's team for a few seasons.  I think she's 10 or 11.  As she read a poem she wrote for him, her voice getting more and more tremulous, you could see everyone's shoulders shaking, and hear noses blown and the occasional sob from the mourners.

We had planned to not stay, or not stay for long, at the reception.  But after the funeral, it was really nice to just sort of shoot the shit with our friends, whether remembering Tom or just about life in general.  I am struck that although it was sad, it was not depressing.  I don't think I've got the words for it.

OK, I do believe that in the last week I've used up my quota of emo posts for quite a while.  Thanks for bearing with me!